the confessions of a broken heart!

Today has been a rather hot day, thing very normal considering that we’re in the middle of August, only a few days before school starts which is quite depressing because the next 2 years that are about to begin are the most difficult for academic future…2 years ahead of me full of hard work focusing on the important lessons for my final Pan-Hellenic exams…anyway I always knew this time would come but I still don’t know what career I want to follow. I would sth like “history of art” that I find rather very interesting. But nobody will understand and now I have to think of a profession that will provide me with enough money to live on my own. I think mostly of English literature or maybe journalism and then have masters on sth like economics or marine studies. So confusing because then I have to think of the suitable job that will make me happy.

I wanna go to Marmari tonight but I doubt it. I had a fight with my father because he’s always putting me to run his errands, make him coffee, buy him cigarettes and stuff like that. I’m so sick and tired with the whole story…it’s like he’s incapable of doing ANYTHING! he’s been taught by his parents that a man should never do housework and that the woman should obey and all those nice things that prevailed 100000 years ago…sometimes I ask myself how does my mum stand him and do all his things. Oh gosh! She has so much patience. I could never accept it if anyone, ANYONE tried to order me to do sth! If I were her I would have dumped him a long time ago, but I guess she’s doing it because of me and my bro-to be happy and stuff-I really can’t seem to understand that! When I was younger I thought that they were very happy but now that I’ve grown up and I’m kind of being in the same position as she is, because, let’s face it, I’m an onlydaughter and he thinks that he should ask me instead of mum to run his errands…ARGGG! I get sooooooo pissed off!!!!! I hope you can understand this…. I mean, he’s not useless, he works EXTREMELLY hard to provide us with the sufficient money, he makes good money thank God but what should money do if you’re not happy and stuff. I happen to think that money is the last thing on earth that people should care about and yet I find myself thinking mostly about that when it comes to choosing a job…so frustrating! Now I’m gonna continue reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows [7^th]…pretty interesting I could say…keeps you chained to it!! I might write later if I don’t go to Marmari eventually…I really wanna see Franco and Marios, so badly! [Franco as a friend Marios as ummmm, whatever! I only wish he wanted me the same way as I do….]

Quite as I expected we did not go to Marmari after all…too bad but I know that my bro [who has been staying at my cousin’s house] is good and is having a blast [I expected that because I know how much fun they all have once they are together-Franco, George, Lefteris, Theodore, Marios and others whose names I cannot recall…hihi] I’m still here at the village waiting to get back home. Once I’m back I have many things to take care of… firstly I have to start this essay I have in French concerning fashion and stuff like that. It HAS to be perfect! I have to make it perfect because I would never be able to forgive myself if I did a lousy job in a matter that concerns me so much! I might even do it on the pc with some pics on it and stuff! A fully detailed composition and my opinion whether fashion is good to follow or not… I still do not have an answer to that question because it is quite complicated to me. By this I mean that even though I like watching the defiles and I like taking a glimpse at fashion magazines I cannot say that I’m addicted to fashion and wear the latest trends… I am addicted to shopping and that’s a fact, I never denied that but I think that fashion’s prime cause is to short of “manipulate” the crows that follow it blindly… I am not one of those people… I don’t even follow a certain style in my dressing, I do not have a dressing code but I do not mind! I wear only the things I like and I don’t care if they are “in-fashion”. I prefer watching things as I do now and I hope I still think like that in some year’s time… anyway, I got out of the point! After finishing that essay in French I have to revise everything I did last year in ancient Greek with my teacher… you know, ancient Greek is-if not the most important-one of the most important subjects for the next 2 years I’ll be at school. It is also very very difficult and that is a fact! But I guess I always preferred languages to math and physics and chemistry. I have to say that I’m quite good in algebra, I like algebra but geometry, physics and chemistry…those I cannot understand and I’m probably very bad at them but the truth is that I never really cared to understand them…not my thing let’s say! I prefer studying literature and composition instead! I don’t even wanna think what my teacher will tell me when she sees me…I wrote very bad in my ancient Greek exams last June…never have I written so badly in my life..Never but to be honest I hadn’t studied for the exam for more than 3 hours in the five days I had ahead of me-what a shame-but I had studied so much the whole year and I was just too tired to read ancient greek once more…anyway, I’ve learnt my lesson well now and I will not make the same mistake again! From now on I have to study ALL lessons until the exams are finished!!! And I will! Period!!!!

I cannot wait to get back home tomorrow and chat on the msn with my twin sister [Tina] and my soul mate [Josefin]. I love them dearly and trust them blindly! They are some of my best friends after all [especially Josefin] she even called me her best friend and t that time I almost cried-so sweet of hers-even though I have many friends I do not have many REAL friends, you know just buddies to have and hung out with but I think Josefin is a REAL friend to me…so is Tina! I have never met them, did I mention that? It’s so sad to know that you have nobody you can really put your trust on and I feel like that ever since my ex-best friend said to my face that since she left the school we both attended she does not feel me as her best friend anymore, I stopped trusting her and ever since we only say “hello” once we meet! I don’t like people who pretend to be friends and then stub you in the back so I prefer having only people around me just to pass my time having fun rather than have friends who pretend to be friends! Nowadays it is getting more and more difficult to find people who you can trust and confide your secrets too and I was lucky enough to find them on the internet (!!!). But I know that we might live in different countries and speak different languages but deep inside our hearts beat as one! [Not my line but it is cool, no?]

Anyway, I have to close now… I talk endlessly…damn it! I have to work on that flibbertigibbet thing that has gotten into me lately… before I go I would like to wish to Marios and the other boys to have fun tonight whatever they do and hope for Marios to think about me, even a little bit…. [Not even a chance of that but hope dies last, doesn’t it?] <>

Patience-Guns n’ roses [Gn’R lies 1988]

Shed a tear ‘cause I’m missing you/I’m still alright to smile/girl, I think about you every day now/There was a time when I wasn’t sure/but you set my mind in ease/ There is no doubt you’re in my heart now…/said woman, take it slow it will work itself fine/all we need is just a little patience…/said sugar make it slow and we’ll come together fine/all we need is just a little patience[patience].

I sit here on the stairs ‘cause I’d rather be alone/if I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait here/Sometimes I get so tensed but I can’t speed up the time/you know love there’s one more thing to consider/Said woman take it slow, things will be just fine, you and I just use a little patience/Said sugar take the time ‘cause the lights are shining bright/you and I got what it takes to make it/we won’t fake it/never break it/ because I can’t take it.

Just a little patience yeah…I’ve been walking the streets at night/just tryin’ to it right/it’s hard to see when so many around/you know I don’t like being stuck in the crowd/and the streets don’t change but baby the names/I ain’t got time on this game ‘cause I need you/yeah yeah but I need you/I need you/this time…